O Canada, you have got to see this. Our trailblazing, history-making, first-Indigenous-ever Governor General, Mary Simon, is out here living her best life while the rest of us are, well, existing. Let’s talk about what she’s actually been up to, because apparently “history-making” comes with jet-setting, symposium-hosting, French-learning, and taxpayer-funded fun.
First, the French thing, because apparently, it’s still a scandal. The law doesn’t just hint at it; it’s a constitutional and statutory eyebrow-raiser. Section 16(1) of the Charter reminds us that English and French are Canada’s official languages with equality of status in all federal institutions. Then you have the Official Languages Act and Section 34(2), which says federal officials should be able to speak both languages or undertake the training necessary to do so. And yes, Quebecers actually tried to take her to court over her lack of French fluency. A lawsuit because the Governor General isn’t fluent in French before assuming office. Meanwhile, Mary’s off taking French lessons and immersing herself in Francophone households, presumably with taxpayer dollars covering every polite “bonjour” and “merci.”
And let’s not forget her diplomatic trips. One flight alone racked up $93,000 in in-flight catering. Because why just eat a sandwich when lobster and caviar can be billed to Canadian taxpayers? She claims she had no involvement in the menu, which is comforting if you want to sleep at night knowing someone else spent $93k feeding you mid-air.
Then there’s the political timing of her symposiums. Hosting a conference on online abuse at Rideau Hall right when Parliament is quietly debating Bill C-63? Call me paranoid, but isn’t that a little too convenient? Neutrality, anyone? Meanwhile, she’s fielding the kind of racist, misogynistic, violent threats that would make anyone else reconsider public life, so her office shut down comments on her social media entirely. That’s right, Canada’s GG had to hide from the internet because people were too mean.
And of course, rumors swirl about “blank checks to Mark Carney” and previously Justin Trudeau and spending billions while Parliament takes a nap. Officially? No evidence. But the optics? Money has to be coming from somewhere. And she’s the ATM around. Dissolving Parliament, swearing in cabinets, hosting events, defending flights and meals, dodging court cases, learning French, all while making it look like someone’s actually running the country.
So, there you have it. Mary Simon, our very busy Governor General, flying first-class through history, learning French post-appointment, defending gourmet meals, dodging lawsuits, and hosting politically convenient symposiums, all while looking like she’s actually doing something important. Meanwhile, Canadians are left paying for the spectacle, wondering if any of this is really governance or just a taxpayer-funded reality show. Popcorn, anyone? You cannot make this shit up. — Rich Angel
